Round 10 Over 50s Mens Match Report by Grunta

Nothing gets the juices flowing like a final round bottom of the table clash between two winless teams desperate to avoid the wooden spoon. Round Meaningless took place at the Warriors’ home ground against Port Melbourne, with both teams fielding full sides for the last game of the year. What was earlier forecast to be a horrible day turned out perfect for footy with sunny skies and dry grass.

The yellow match ball was causing a stir early, prompting the Pres to remind everyone that colour does not matter, all footballs are equal in the eyes of God and a yellow footy is no different to a red one. Play on.

Port came to play and dominated the first term, both teams applying plenty of pressure but Port making the most of its chances early, leading three goals to one at quarter time. The Warriors were getting sucked into the contest, and the few times the ball did get over the back Port had players out to get the ball forward quickly. We should have been awarded a free kick for an interchange infringement when the opposition had an extra player on the field – a chubby chocolate lab that launched at the ball carrier – but he waddled off before the umpire saw. We also lost playmaker Claudio early to yet another hamstring injury while Mr Everywhere Clint scored our first goal of the day.

Structural improvements in the second term meant the Warriors were able to lock the ball more often in our forward half, clawing back the Port lead and entering half time evenly placed at 3.2 each.

Carbo was winning every tap in the ruck, but we weren’t capitalising and that was the mission in the second half. It worked. The Warriors got first use and delivery continued to improve, with switch kicks opening up the ground. Meanwhile, Matty D, Dave and Pas were rocks in defence, regularly intercepting Port kicks and turning defence into attack. Theo got on the end of a great bounce in the forward line, gathered on the run and snapped over his head for his second goal of the day. Col and Cordi-Al also converted and we went into three quarter time with a very handy 20 point lead.

At the final huddle of 2025, Magoo urged us to sacrifice everything to get Eddie a first win as Warriors coach. I didn’t know if that meant first win this year or first win ever. Eddie has been around footy since the Prehistoric Age so I hope this wasn’t the first but if so, it was extra special. We weren’t going to let him down.

Or were we? Sacrificing everything shouldn’t have meant sacrificing the game, but that’s what it looked like as Warriors started losing the plot with poor discipline costing us crucial free kicks. The umpire was definitely making up a few new rules, ball-ups suddenly became frees against us, and Warriors mouthing off gifted Port a couple of opportunities they didn’t deserve. Col gave away a free for Brazilian jujitsu and Carbo’s vocabulary got under the skin of the umps. What should have been a runaway victory in the final term became a tense battle for survival as the Port Colts took advantage, pressed hard and got within striking distance.

The sound of the final siren echoing across Jurassic Park was the sweetest sound all year for the Over 50s, who sung the long forgotten team song in the rooms with gusto. That win meant we finished season 2025 a respectable 9th and only five games away from finals contention. Always look on the bright side.

After a stressful first quarter, the Warriors stuck like glue to the game plan and won contests all over the ground to keep the pressure hard at Port all game. Well done to all players who dug deep for coach and club to pull off a strong win.

Port Melbourne is the club I played for previously and it is fitting that the best player medal for these Warriors v Colts clashes be named in my honour, and I am extremely humbled to personally instigate this long overdue recognition for myself. I really don’t like making it about me, but you won’t so I will. I’m pleased to announce that the inaugural Grunta Medallist is Matty D, whose intercept marks, composure under pressure and dash off half back denied Port time and again and led to multiple forward thrusts. Well done Matty for an excellent four quarter effort.

Bet365 was paying $724 for the following multi –

1. Warriors to get their first win of 2025.
2. Kenny to play with a shoulder that hasn’t functioned since Round 1
3. Pas’s head to explode at least once
4. Col to get a UFC contract.

I got them all!!! First time all year, I won! I should have put a bet on. Damn.
It’s sad to see the season come to an end, and I want to thank our Coach Eddie, our President Marko, our Captain Pas and Vice-Captain Gezza, and my Self-Esteem Guru Killer for a really enjoyable season of football. We had some really good games, some ugly blowouts but I personally loved every minute of playing with the 50s, it is a great privilege I am grateful for. I also have huge respect and thanks for the guys who backed up from 55s, some who played nearly 20 games this year. Awesome!

I also really want to thank the support crew on the sidelines every game, and everyone I have badgered this year for goal umpiring, timekeeping and most importantly, voting, which I think has cost me over $800 so far but at least I know I’m a dead cert for the B & F.

See you at the preso night, the footy trip, or at 9s soon.

2025 out.


Final Score

Eastern Warriors 6.6.42, Port Melbourne 4.4.28


Goals:Theo 2, Clint 2, Col 1, Al 1
Grunta Medallist: Matty D


Round 10 Mens Over 55s Match Report by Dusty
The Warriors produced a sterling performance in the final game of the season, very nearly toppling the hitherto undefeated Northside Lions.  The game was played in blazing sunshine in Altona North on a playing surface that could best be described as concrete.  The ground was drier than a squashed lizard on the Nullarbor Highway and puffs of dust sprang up around my boots as I trotted towards the backline. I targeted a sluggish looking gentleman with a slight limp and we shook hands before hostilities commenced.  The Warriors started brightly, Carbo using his bulk to great effect and Sammy getting busy around the stoppages linking up well with the lithe and smooth moving Thommo.  As a team we looked good.  

I was a little inconvenienced early in the game due to a slight mishap with Grippo.  I have a mixed relationship with this marvellous product, but inserting into your eye is not recommended. I had placed a generous gobbet of Grippo on my hands and was running onto the field when a dust particle got in my eye – without thinking I rubbed my eye and almost instantly a stinging sensation started and my vision grew misty.  I spent the first ten minutes running around with one eye closed, like a deranged pirate. But midway through the first quarter I achieved a moment of glory.  As a SFD (small fat defender) I usually don’t stray too far from the backline, but somehow I found myself in the forward line (perhaps due to my clouded eyesight) drifting past a rampaging Killer for a handball.  Suddenly the goals opened up before me and I slammed it through from thirty metres out.  I suddenly realised I had no goal celebration planned, should I go with the “sprinkler”, “handcuffs”, “rock the baby” or maybe just blow kisses to the crowd. Then I saw how far it was to the back pocket, so I jogged insouciantly back to my position trying to look chill.  My moment of greatness was soon eclipsed by Kenny however.  He kicked our second goal under pressure, from the impossible angle, deep in the forward pocket, as cool as a cucumber.  Nobody likes a showoff.

We were right with them at half time, Magoo was causing problems in the forward line and Marko discovered he could reach below his knees and pick up a footy without disturbing his elegant hairstyle.  Rodders, boosted by the prospect of impressing his wife with his silky skills, took some good marks. Eddie claimed he wasn’t concussed after the last game, but he seemed to be mainly running in circles and at one point had a little lie down on the wing. Damo, released from his role as the world’s smallest ruckman was roaming around distributing the ball well with his characteristically unorthodox kicking style. If we had kicked straight we would have been in front. The third quarter was a tight contest, but they scored a couple of lucky goals that put them marginally ahead before the final quarter. The Warriors brave in the final stanza and the opposition held on to win. My highlight was that Pas actually kicked the ball to me, for the first time this season.  He looked at me from the goal square, I could see uncertainty cross his face but somewhat reluctantly he punted the footy in my direction.  I gave him a little wave of gratitude after I took the mark.

I stood in the rooms after the game a very tired man, wondering how to take off my underpants without cramping.  I looked around the rooms, Matty D had given his all and was slumped in the corner like a dero at Flinders St. Dave H was hoarse from all his shouting and his pointing finger could barely extend. Thorney, held upright by bandages and support garments looked exhausted.  But we were proud of our efforts today, and proud of our efforts across the season – the inaugural over 55s team could hold their weary heads high.  We look ahead to next year with hope and positivity. (I can see clearly now the Grippo has worn off.) 

Final Score
Northside Lions 9.5.59 d Eastern Warriors 3.9.27
Goals: Dusty, Kenny, Magoo