Round 4 Mens Over 55s Match Report by Dusty

I have no idea where Diamond Valley is, but we played against them on the weekend in Brunswick.  After we pushed the bearded, keep-cup-sipping millennials with their designer Australian Sheepdogs off the oval we were ready to play footy in the bright sunshine.  I was feeling quite good, almost lithe – thanks to a couple of Voltaren and a liberal application of deep heat. I trotted into the backline where I shook hands with a burly bloke who was a bit taller than me and looked in rude good health.  I had made a beeline for the shorter guy with a limp, but Coach Magoo had already claimed him. 
As a team we started slowly, and Diamond Valley kicked a few early goals, while we finished the quarter with a couple of points.  I had done a good job of lumbering around after my man, nickname ‘Luger’ – (perhaps a reference to a gun), but I muzzled him.  A little shove here, a gentle push there and suddenly he found himself nowhere near where the ball landed.  I picked up a couple of kicks, which were largely ineffective.  Frenchy, was tres elegante on his wing and Eddie was his usual ebullient self on the other. 
As the second quarter unfolded the Warriors started to play better football.  We have a system, a game plan built around short kicking and lots of shouting.  I’m very good at the shouting, my shouting is elite. The difference between my short kicking and long kicking is about two metres so our game plan suits me well. Sammy, Killer and Bruisa were combining well in the middle with Thommo and Damo. Thommo’s accurate left foot was linking up with our forward line where Rev, Micky W and Hulk were building pressure. Soon we were kicking goals and by half time we were in it. My opponent Luger (perhaps a diminution of Lugubrious)  patted me on the back as we walked to the sheds and told me I’d done a good job – which was a bit strange. I would have liked to have told him he had done a good job too, but as he had only had one kick I thought it might seem disingenuous. 

A feature of our backline is predictability, I’m predictable to the point of being boring, Dave is accountable, Pas is reliable, Fitzy is steady – and then there is Kenny.  He is elusive and confusing to the opposition which leads to moments of brilliance.  He is elusive and confusing to his teammates, which leads to moments of disarray. And he is elusive and confusing to himself sometimes, which usually leads to him falling over wherever he happens to be standing. But every team needs X factor.  

As the game progressed we got better and better. Marko combined with Rev for a goal that was perhaps made more complex than it needed to be and Magoo kicked truly.  But we couldn’t bridge the gap Diamond Valley had established earlier.  A final quarter highlight was Bruisa’s long range goal on the run as he spun out of a pack – as he slotted it neatly through Diamond Valley’s goalposts people didn’t know whether to laugh or begin concussion protocols.

We were undermanned from the start, but when JC managed to crush himself beneath one of the heavier Diamond Valley backline we were down to seventeen men.  As he lay there on the ground, immobile, while we waited for the stretcher I thought about mortality.  One day you’re running around playing footy in the bright sunshine and then who knows, you are crushed by a fat bloke, or a tram, or a stray blood clot reaching your heart at just the wrong moment.  As Magoo said before the game – every game we play is a privilege.  Every bump, bruise and wobbly drop punt should be celebrated – and that’s what the Warriors do, win lose or draw.  

Score

Eastern Warriors 3.6.24 defeated by Diamond Valley 8.2.50